Will I always hate Mondays?

Monday was the day I lost my babies. I am already dreading tomorrow. I know I will be sad. I know I will cry. I know I will think back to a lifetime ago (just 2 weeks and a day in real time) when I was still full of the joys of a very precious pregnancy. How can my life have changed so much in a matter of a few short hours? And the night before I lost my babies I was eating curry. Now if I even see curry advertised on the TV I have to turn over. Seeing the takeaway menu from our favourite Indian restaurant made me cry and removing it from the fridge and shredding it didn't seem to stop the tears. I have been changed and I fear the change is forever. I used to love Mondays as they were full of promise for the week ahead (Tuesdays were the day I usually disliked instead as then the week had already had its tone set and it was often the same as the week before) and I used to love curry. But it's not just those superficial things. I feel changed inside. I feel like I will never be truly happy again. I feel my life will always be clouded by what could have been. I dreamt about my babies last night. My beautiful twins that would have looked just like their daddy. My babies that would have been the most cherished children that ever lived. I dreamt about them as babies, putting them to bed in their cots. I dreamt about them as young children, riding their bikes and playing in the park. But those experiences of pure pleasure will always remain in my dreams. The future of my babies was stolen from them and from me. And I don't understand why God chose to take them so soon. And I don't know if I will ever be able to like Mondays or curry again.