21 Day Bloods

Today I am sporting the latest in TTC fashion, a little white cotton ball held in place by tape in the crook of my right arm. I also know I have the start of a bruise underneath as I can feel the ache. It's the evidence of my 21 day progesterone blood test to see if Sergeant Major Clomid is doing his job properly. My first 21 day bloods resulted in bad bruising on both arms as the poor phlebotomist struggled to find a decent vein, and yet my arms seem to be covered in them! But this time was relatively less painful so now I have to just sit and wait for the results. I will be the first to admit that I hate to fail at anything. I have always been a swot and a straight A student and actually cried my heart out over one exam at school that didn't go so well in case (heaven forbid!) I got a B. At university I wasn't happy with anything but a First Class degree, and that is what I got through a lot of hard work and the added gift of being good at exams. But this is something I can fail, this is something that no matter how hard I have worked and how much I have done, it is truly out of my control. I can have all the acupuncture, take all the vitamins, follow the best PCOS diet, have all the sex humanly possible in all the best positions, and there is still no guarantee that I will pass my 21 day blood test. And for someone like me that seems so hard to come to terms with. This is out of my hands. My doctor, my acupuncturist, keep telling me I am doing all I can but how can that be good enough when I haven't succeeded? I have read a lot about clomid making you ovulate later than CD21 so I am not going to give up on the baby-dancing as I AM determined to do all I can. And then I just have to add to that a bit of hoping & praying that this time, for lucky cycle 21, it's finally enough.