My Pledge to Infertility

Perhaps this post should come with a warning as I'm going to be honest, brutal even, and some people may not like what they read. You have been warned!

If God does decides to bless me with a child of my own then I owe it to all the other ladies suffering along with me to make this pledge:

1. I will NOT use the photo of my first u/s as my profile on Facebook. Controversial maybe but the amount of people that have floored me with that as their way of announcing their pregnancy and the tears that follow will never be forgotten

2. Similarly, I will NOT use my status updates to regularly remind all those ladies I am friends with who are not pregnant just what they are missing out on. Like me at this current time, I am sure they know all too well

3. I will NEVER tell anyone they will never understand unconditional love until they are a mother. We all have family, friends, pets that we can love unconditionally. I already understand what that means

4. I will NEVER ask anyone 'So, what about children?' or 'So when will you be having babies?' or any of those intrusive questions that are really none of my god damn business. Similarly, I will NEVER refer to the biological clock. That must have been a man's invention

5. I will NEVER ask any woman if she wants to stroke my tummy and I will instruct Mr W NOT to tell people I am the most beautiful pregnant woman he has seen. Both have happened to me recently and I walked away both times to hide my tears. Said people involved probably now view me as some hideous monster

6. I will NEVER tell anyone to 'just relax and it will happen'. I promise not to forget how infuriating those words are

7. I will ALWAYS look at women suffering infertility with the utmost admiration and respect. How we get up every morning and carry on with this cloud hanging over us all of the time truly astounds and amazes me

8. If I see a woman looking at me & my baby with longing, I will REMEMBER what that felt like. I promise NOT to look at her like she's a circus freak. 'Roll up, roll up and come look at the woman with the non-functioning ovaries'. In a similar vein, I will NEVER judge anyone I see buying baby clothes with tears in their eyes

9. I will be grateful every day for what I have. I will NEVER moan about sleepless nights or feeds or nappies or mood swings when they reach puberty. My child will always be the most precious gift to me

10. Although I will always feel the statement above, I promise NOT to include those sentiments in similar Facebook status updates. I don't need to shout my joy from the rooftops for people to know it is there

Finally I also pledge that I will not hide away from the journey I have taken. I will not be ashamed to tell the world about the cycles of frustration and disappointment.

And I hope with all my heart that I get to fulfil my pledge and that my current infertility is a stage in my life and not its definition.